I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
