I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
