if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
