her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
