he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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