GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
