So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
