Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Randomize