i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
