I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
