I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize