Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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