I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
