so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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