I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
