I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
