Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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