xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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