His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
