its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
