just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize