UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
