Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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