You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
