you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
