I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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