he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
