I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
