the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
