I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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