They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
