Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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