my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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