why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
one might say we're banned from that church
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
