You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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