I am puke
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
