Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
