i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
