My nipple is on Facebook.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
