then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
