It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
