Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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