We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
