You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
