I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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