first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
