An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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