Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
