I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
