Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just pee around me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
and you fell through a lawn chair
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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