Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
