Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
