Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he puts the penis in happiness.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
