Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
