u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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