You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
