I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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