Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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