fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
