I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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