I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
