Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Pappa wants mamma naked
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize