had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
