When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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