did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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